*for those of you scratching your head right now, saying WTF? please click here for a synopsis of the whole BDSM dynamic: http://bdsmfordummies.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/fundamentals-of-bdsm/ (will open as a separate window, not any affiliation with myself or Jan). This is not an all-inclusive introduction into BDSM, this is mostly for my readers that have read BDSM novels, but do not actively participate in the lifestyle.
Could you explain your relationship with your significant other?
Shane and I were in a relationship for nearly ten years, only ending when he passed away in May this year. The relationship was a D/s one, him being the Dominant and me being his sub. Shane was in charge of the final decisions, although I could give my opinion. I obeyed what he said, looked after him and the household and in return he looked after me. If I didn’t follow what we’d agreed to as being appropriate behavior in the relationship I received punishment which could be anything from a spanking to a caning or flogging. The relationship worked well because we always communicated about how we felt and we revised and adapted our initial D/s agreement as our needs changed and the relationship evolved.
How did you meet Shane?
We met through an internet site, and discovered we also had mutual friends in common. The relationship was always a D/s one but we took it slowly and lived separately for a few years after meeting, before finally moving in together and cohabiting for seven years.
Did either of you have any sadist or masochist tendencies?
I’m a bit of a masochist. I enjoy mild level pain and find it quite arousing. Shane wasn’t a sadist but was happy to inflict the right amount of pain I enjoyed during scenes and as a form of discipline if I misbehaved.
Did you keep your relationship private, or were you open with others?
Shane and I were fairly open with our friends and some family. He didn’t tell his elderly parents about it which I agreed with but apart from that most other people new.
Did Shane have a pet name for you?
Shane used to call me chook because he said I used to cluck about like a mother hen when I was looking after him.
Did Shane require any adornments?
Shane only ever insisted that I wear the two rings he gave me. I wore them at all times. He wasn’t into adornments like collars or other jewelry because he didn’t see the necessity of such an act.
Did you have a formal playroom or dungeon?
We didn’t have a specific playroom or formal dungeon. We played either in the bedroom or living area and would set up a particular area to scene then pack everything away.
Was your relationship monogamous or polygamous?
Our relationship was a poly/open one. We each had others in our lives at times, but anyone else bought into the dynamic needed to be approved by the other one in order to play outside our primary relationship with each other.Thank you Jan for answering my questions! My relationship is about 40% involved Dom/sub, and I am absolutely intrigrued with real-life couples that successfully live the lifestyle. I am also deeply saddened for your loss...((Hugs))
As an author, most of my stories have some elements of BDSM (the book coming out in Feb 2013 is full-on BDSM kink). If you haven't yet, you could buy my book, Just One Night, or any of Jan's books, as well as a host of many other wonderful authors! Here are the links to some of my favorite authors:
Just One Night: Prequel to the Learning to Let Go Series
Jan Graham: Wylde Shore and Sydney Cougars Series
Holly Roberts: Club El Diablo
Lexi Blake: Masters and Mercenaries and Masters of Menage